The bad news: No matter what I post, some dick-hole feels compelled to stop what he’s doing, correct me (incorrectly), belittle me, slut shame me, tell me how I should feel or what I “really” mean, or otherwise just shit on my post for no reason other than he’s an asshole and apparently that’s what they do. Is it their life blood? For sport? Boredom? I can’t really comment on the why because I have no fucking idea.
The good news: These guys are predictable as fuck and so easy to figure out. There’s a quick way to shut them down. Flipping the script is a good start. Think of all of the crap you’ve been told as a woman for just about anything, from when you have expressed your anger to even just having a difference of opinion. When dealing with hostile people (my experience is 95% men, so that’s what I’m basing this on), just turn the tables. It’s worked so well for me, they usually block me first and sometimes in record time which I wear like a badge of honor.
Here are some examples, and feel free to add from your own personal life experience based on the endless bullshit you’ve been spoon-fed your entire life:
- Maybe you should calm down.
- I can’t talk to you when you’re being so emotional.
- You’re so cute when you’re angry.
- Is it that time of the month? (Or any variation here really. “Someone’s on their period.” “Are you on the rag?” Etc., etc. I’m sure you’ve had this particular gem lobbed at you a few dozen different ways.)
- Come back and discuss this when you have had some time to think and calm down.
- Now you’re being just being irrational.
- Quit being hysterical.
- Are you drunk (and/or) high? Because you’re not making any fucking sense.
- So edgy. Much wow. *eye roll*
- Hey random dude, your opinion is duly noted. Nobody gives a shit, but still… noted.
- Use your inside voice. (A personal favorite for the all caps rant).
Okay, this is a mix of my personal faves. Some I’ve been told personally, and some I just like to say to mean people. Because they are being fucking mean. A taste of your own medicine is bitter and hard to swallow. It’s also not easy to forget. I find being dismissive and vaguely insulting while making them the butt of the joke works well. It infuriates them and they become less and less coherent with just that. If they go full-on crazy, you can always block.
I deleted and blocked for years without confrontation, and if that’s your choice, that’s your call. I’m not here to criticize you. I’m here to tell what has worked for me and what has also helped me deal with this pervasive problem. It has also led to much less of this type of harassment, unless they’re newbies or they just don’t pay any attention, because at least now they know who not to fuck with. Me.
The point is, I feel better when I fight back. Much better. I get support from men and women both, and other women see me fighting back which is important to me. If I would have known how easy, effective, and sometimes fun it is to shut most of these pricks down, I would have done it years ago.
I don’t call myself the Snarky Feminist for nothing. It’s my weapon of choice in the War on Women. I’m also a fan of screen capping and publicly shaming the particularly disgusting remarks, but that’s another story for another day.