Jesus Christ, dudes. Settle the fuck down. It’s only a post or a link or a meme, or whatever. I have had guys go off on me for the weirdest shit, too. Maybe they’re on their period or something, I dunno. I definitely can’t talk to or reason with them when they are being so fucking emotional and irrational. Calm the fuck down!
Toxic masculinity is not just some catch phrase that I casually throw around just to piss off men, although I’m petty enough to do it on occasion, but not unprovoked and not without reason. That reason being they are being extremely fucking toxic. To everyone, to everything, and even to themselves. It’s a real thing and it is evident in our daily lives. I don’t even have to go into detail. You’ve seen enough uncontrollable and sometimes incomprehensible rage in your life to know what I mean. It affects men and women both. It is a danger to everyone. It kills.
Side note: I googled ‘male rage’ for ideas for the featured image used in this blog and saw enough heartbreaking pictures of battered women that I had to stop. It’s real. It’s really fucking real.
I sometimes get called a cunt just for saying I’m a feminist. Literally, no other context here. Just saying the word gets some people so enraged, they immediately resort to calling me names, that being their go to. Which by the way is one of my favorite words, so they’re not really hurting my feelings just FYI. But being so easily “triggered” by a word or idea that you have to instantly and aggressively lash out is indeed toxic. Ironically, these are a lot of the same guys who use the phrase “triggered” only to hurl it as an insult or to mock somebody else’s pain.
And I hate to break it to you MRA-type twats, internalized misogyny is a real thing too, not some “made-up term” used to silence other women for disagreeing with them. I once had a guy comment that sentiment on one of my posts after he said he “couldn’t believe” he somehow had someone on his friends list who used that term “unironically.” This was a while ago, and I shut him down pretty quick. Not a big deal. It happens all the time. However, while I was later researching internalized misogyny, I came across the Urban Dictionary top definition (also the second Google result listed). Surprise! Almost verbatim with the exception he embellished a bit to sound like an even bigger prick. Nice source, asshole. Totally legit.
To put that argument into context, I had come across a post with a short video about an actress on French Television not wanting to be kissed by a male actor. She politely refused, turned her head, and in doing so the fucker bent down and kissed part of her exposed breast. The OP was captioned with “What’s the big deal?” There were 3 almost immediate reactions that were very disturbing, all from women. One making fun of her breasts, the second saying she didn’t seem to mind and “had rather joy in her eyes,” and the third of course being about women needing to take responsibility for how they’re dressed. In other words, she was asking for it. I screen capped those 3 comments, blocked out the names, posted it along with the video and said something about internalized misogyny being a hell of a thing.
When I watched the video, it made my skin crawl because I know all too well the feeling of saying “no thank you” and still being pursued aggressively and with force. But none of the above matters more than the fact that the woman in the video said no and he forced himself on her. Even if it was just quick kiss (on her fucking breast!) and even though she tried her best to maintain her composure in front of a live studio audience, that doesn’t fucking matter either. I’ve stood frozen and mortified several times in my life, and there weren’t a dozen cameras pointed at me. What matters is she did not want it. She said no. And that is literally all that matters. Not his precious ego. Fuck his ego. Male entitlement + using physical force = toxic masculinity.
I know certain things seem to turn into a catch-all buzzword, then get thrown around haphazardly, sometimes where they aren’t warranted and sometimes when they aren’t even applicable, but not by me and definitely not today. That also doesn’t mean that these aren’t real problems and very serious ones at that. But as long as I’m called a cunt for posting a feminist article or even a meme for fuck’s sake, and as long as women defend a man who clearly physically forced himself onto a woman, on camera, I will use the terms toxic masculinity and internalized misogyny whenever and wherever I deem appropriate and as often as I fucking see fit.